Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
