I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
