just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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