never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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