Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
