Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
