I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize