I haven't been this sober since birth.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
