Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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