Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
