You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
