I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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