We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
