party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
