I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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