I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
