my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize