hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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