you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
