Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just want nice things and good sex
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
