I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
