and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
