No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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