No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave