Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?