when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.