just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other