We got so high we made milksteak
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then