I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
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He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.