Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick