I just threw up on my dentist
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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