i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
