I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
