This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
