I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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