girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
