I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
