Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
