I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
