i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
