Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
