He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i drank out of a bidet.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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