What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
