Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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