i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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