Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
