why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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