I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
