this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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