i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
