i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
