Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
smell my finger.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm both gender and math confused
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
