I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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