So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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