every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
