why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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