Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
