I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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