Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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