you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
