that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
