remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
