If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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