Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
