So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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