He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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