i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
