Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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