I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
