you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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