Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize