so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need water and some morals
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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