She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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