Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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