His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
