So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
