im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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