She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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