i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
