I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
