i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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