Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
