thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
